You Are What You Emoji

A picture says a thousand words, and if my autocorrect has anything to do with it, the picture is probably a whole lot more accurate than what I was trying to say anyways. The point is, sometimes a girl emotes when she should’ve Emoji’ed. One honest look at our most recently used pictograms and you’ll know what we ate for dinner (burger), what we want to do after work (drink), what we ate after dinner (noodles) and what we feel like before we go to bed (old man). God help us if we get any tattoos. What do your most recent Emoji say about YOU?

Hmm. Anybody who has a glass of wine and a loaf of bread within their top five most recent Emoji should not even be THINKING about wearing a leotard, let alone getting that diamond any time soon. Keep the sweet dance moves in the top row and you’ll be fit by the long weekend. So many angel faces tells us this heavy user is definitely up to no good about SOMETHING – the lack of any motor vehicle apart from the police car is good because it means you didn’t drive while googly-eyed, but it does suggest that you tried to bribe the cops with dessert to get out of a jaywalking ticket. Stop buying shoes online, step away from the cats, and you just might find that starry-eyed, wiggly-jiggly flan love you’ve been looking for.

Here, someone’s history is illustrating a classic case of what doctors call the “Pork Sweats”. Triggered by overeating at holiday potlucks, the Sweats sweep the masses right around Easter time and continue until the first sign of Autumn, the dead leaves Emoji. Visible symptoms include praying, dating, weeping and drinking, most often leading to explosive karaoke performances (in that order). While nothing cures the Pork Sweats like some red meat, it is best administered NOT alone and NOT eaten in your car from a drive-thru window (but good try anyways). Overall this array of recent Emoji paints a pretty positive picture, thanks to all the flowers and what-not, though the user might be more attractive if they eat more vegetables and try to be less judgmental.

Would you like your real-life Emoji-onal feelings deciphered? Send The Food Is Out There a snap of your recents and we’ll give the first three we get a proper reading for you to frame and treasure. Applause sunglasses face honeybee peach!


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