Space Junk Product Review: Kinder Egg Toys for Girls

Hey I’m a girl! Plus I’ll buy anything twice! Kinder Surprise’s new Toys for Girls Kinder Eggs are the same ol’ chocolate-flavoured pocket for a weirdo yellow pod that generally has more moving parts than the toy inside. An ombré pink foil wrapper around it signifies its contents: what we can only assume are some girl kid-approved figurines regarding princesses, fairies, shoes and cosmetics…? How could I resist!

I don’t know whether to be upset by this or not. Is it still a creamy milk shell wrapped in a velvety chocolate robe? Is it still available for 99¢ impulse purchase at the grocery checkout? Is it still a product banned in the USA because it poses a choking hazard to children, the very peoples intended to enjoy it? I mean, has the mystery gone anywhere – is it still a surprise?

Oh hai!

Poppin’ open this baby I kind of miss the usual dinosaur, race car, or Smurf village family member favoured by the black-and-white OG kinder egg if only because they didn’t have giant Bratz doll eyes staring back at me. I can’t explain how they managed to put a two-and-a-half inch figurine inside a two-inch egg, but I liked it because it reminded me of Lady Gaga’s entrance at the 2011 Grammys. 

At least the race car usually had some stickers involved. Overall there is nothing difficult about putting this particular kind of toy together so I can’t infer that they have made the assembly any “easier” for “girls” like me. Though it pains me to remember being thoroughly unimpressed when the toy required no assembly at all – despite coming with detailed illustrated instructions. What am I, new here?! There is nothing gender specific about being disappointed at getting a puzzle. The puzzle is the worst.

Or should I say, “О привет”


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