Space Junk Product Review: Pocket Pop Tarts Container

There have been reusable, washable, colourful containers invented for holding, catching, and preventing bruising on everything from uncooked asparagus spears, to half a lemon, to a ripening banana. It is without a shadow of a doubt one of the luxuries of our time to be ABLE to carry a banana in your PURSE without BANANA GUTS getting on your iPhone. The way the plastic banana holder caresses the smooth, genetically predicated curves of a yellow banana, protecting them from harm’s way – well, it’s just natural.

Speaking of natural things found in nature, we have found the perfectly-fitted solution to the age-old problem of holding and protecting your Pop Tarts toaster pastries from non-eating related damage while on the go. Well, it is not an old enough problem to have an “I’m sorry I got Pop Tarts crumbs in your bed” sympathy note in the card aisle of the drugstore. But it was clearly an issue for somebody in this world and so that is why we have this.

Pop Tarts Container

Will hold TWO Pop Tarts toaster pastries.

Upon first sight, the Pop Tarts toaster pastry container has all the common denominators of a great piece of Space Junk: it is plastic, it is colourful, it is a low-value impulse purchase, it accurately perpetuates a brand name or iconic foodstuff, and will probably never decompose on its own in nature or in orbit.

True to the guarantee, one package i.e. two Pop Tarts toaster pastries fit inside the hinged container.

True to the guarantee, one package i.e. two Pop Tarts toaster pastries fit inside the hinged container.

Noting that the Pop Tarts didn’t have too much wiggle room inside their container, the case clicked closed and was thrown into a backpack, not unlike any daytime snack one might plan. The carrier planned to open the container at various points throughout the day to check for the efficacy of the hard-sided, tightly sealed container and if necessary, to snack on the Pop Tarts (for research purposes obvs). The small details of the case, beyond those architectural and engineering related to upholding the dignity of the P’Tart, did not go unappreciated.

Fig. A: Note the flaky pastry-inspired texture of the "crust" of the case, and the almost liquid glaze coating.

Fig. A: Note the flaky pastry-inspired texture of the “crust” of the case, and the glossy liquid “glaze”.  The rainbow “sprinkles” hint as to the contents: two fresh Strawberry Sprinkle Pop Tarts.

True to its function, the activity of the Pop Tarts case over an intense one day period resulted in negligible crumbs and zero escapes. The case proved most convenient when exposed in public for occasional snacking and attention. Though Pop Tarts are most often billed as a breakfast pastry, the carrier reported greater than usual yearnings for “breakfast for dinner”. The availability of Pop Tarts at night was all thanks to the protective, fresh-sealing pocket spectacle that is the Pop Tarts toaster pastry container.

Pop Tarts at Night

Breakfast for dinner.

Overall, the Pop Tarts Container performed in exactly the manner one would expect if not better, since it is also easily wiped clean or washed by hand for easy refills. Pop Tarts always come in space foil-wrapped packs of two (because really, you can’t be seen eating this stuff by yourself) so to carry any fewer would just be silly. Also, barring the availability of toaster snacks with which to fill the case, it also doubles as a card and cash carrying wallet, a weatherproof cigarette holder, and a crumb-free spot for your iPhone.

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